Category Archives: Education

It’s time to MAN UP!!!!

Before I launch into today’s BRILLIANTLY written article I sort of feel like I need to put a big asterisk up front.  First, I have no delusions of grandeur. I know there aren’t many people who are willing to subject themselves to my brand of dumbassery, and follow my little blog, so I want to apologize upfront.  I just re-read everything I wrote today and, if you didn’t know me, you would think I was quite the chest-beating, tool-welding, animal-shooting, rather “crap outside” sort of Alpha male.  I’m really not…but I’m not really a “girlie man” either. Come to think of it, I’m really not sure I have much of a “feminine side,” but if I did, I’m pretty confident I wouldn’t stop touching it.  Several years ago I wrote one of my favorite articles entitledThings I Want My Sons to Know.” It was basically advice I wanted my boys to grow up knowing.  And then, more recently, I wrote an article entitled “The Worst Generation” where I discussed a few….hmmmm….oddities about the current generation.  All of that got me thinking about where we, as men in society, are screwing up.

This is the paragraph where I will lose half my readers.  I’m going to get religious on you for just a second, then I’ll go back to writing like the heathen that I am. There is a scripture in the Book of Mormon.  A father, named Lehi, is dying.  He calls his sons to him to give them his last words of advice.  Here is some of what he said: “…arise from the dust, my sons, AND BE MEN…Awake, my sons; put on the armor of righteousness. Shake off the chains with which ye are bound…” (2 Nephi 1:21, 23 emphasis added.)

OHMIGOSH!!!  If we could do that.  If we could all just BE MEN.  

Now with this paragraph I’ll lose my other reader.  When I first started writing today’s article I was all, “You know, gentlemen, ofttimes when we engage in said behavior, the outcome is such…”  That just doesn’t convey how I feel.  Very often, when speaking to men about manning up you need to be blunt.  I don’t want to say “ofttimes,” I want to say “when you act this way you’re being a dick.”  That’s not being hypocritical.  For my liberal friends the word “hypocritical” is a fancy way of saying…PAUSE…what the hell am I saying…every liberal knows what the word hypocritical means.   I’m not being hypocritical…I’m being…paradoxical.  For my liberal friends the word “paradoxical” is a fancy way of saying: sometimes I’ll quote scriptures, and sometimes I’ll swear.  I might quote you a scripture and then tell you you’re a piece of shit. That doesn’t make me a hypocrite, it makes me a man.  It’s two sides of the delightful coin that is I.  This may sound weird, but I’m actually really proud of the man I should be.  I’m just no where near there yet. 

So…I’m going to tell the ladies to stop reading.  This is for men only.  Gentlemen, let’s get started.  

Selfies: The selfies have got to be toned down.  If you’re with someone you get a pass.  If you can’t be in the gym, or in a hotel room by yourself without taking a picture…it’s weird and WAAAAY vain.  (Remember, this is for guys only.  If there are any ladies still reading this…Look at you being all rebellious!  You go girl.   You’re not going to let me tell you what to do.  Hell yeah, you keep reading!!  That’s awesome….Also, feel free to keep taking selfies.)

Take responsibility: If you can’t feed ‘em, don’t breed ‘em.  Having kids doesn’t make you a man.  A real man creates a family and takes responsibility for it.  Feeds, clothes, shelters, protects, educates and does everything he can to make sure his children don’t grow up without a father. That’s what makes you a man. Any animal can breed.  If you can’t afford condoms, you can’t afford kids, and you shouldn’t be having sex.  


Stay committed:  All men look.  It’s hardwired into us.  If you’re not finished chasing skirts, don’t get into a committed relationship.  If you get married and decide chasing skirts is still for you, get a divorce first.  Don’t put your family through the pain of an affair.  If you make a mistake, make it right. Redemption and forgiveness is real.  In his book Love Must Be Tough Dr. James C. Dodson said, “Of all forms of disdain that one individual can show for another, there is none more profound than blatant infidelity.”  If you are blatantly hurting your wife and family, even if they don’t know it, you’re a piece of shit.  Grow up.  


Don’t use too many emoji’s: I don’t mean to get all emojnal on you (see what I did here?) but it needs to be toned down.  A few, every once in a while is okay.  If your girlfriend or wife, is being difficult and you say something like, “You’re being a bc3d7c2c8a8cafa979228ec72035e89a”  and you insert an emoji of a bee…Trust me you’re the one who is being a little bitch.

VOTE: You can’t complain about the country if you don’t try to fix it.  If studying the issues is too much for you, or not your thing, grow up and do it anyway.  At a bare-ass minimum figure out what your core values are and then vote for the party which most closely mirrors those values.  Just don’t be a sheep.  Listen to, or read both sides of the issues.  Don’t let anyone TELL you who to vote for, even if they are famous.  Seriously guys, why the hell is there a “Gender Gap” in voting?!  Man up and vote.    

Anything worth fighting for is worth killing for:  For my  liberal friends, get your panties out of a wad.  I’ll admit that title is a smidgen too much.  There are maybe three to five things worth killing for, it’s about the same list of what is worth fighting for.  Family and country?  Absolutely.  Someone cuts you off in traffic, takes your parking place, steals your TV,  or spills beer on your favorite shirt?  No. If you get in a fight over something like that, you’re an idiot.  Stop being a dick.  You aren’t given strength to punish others, you are given strength to uplift those around you.  Take a stance. Fight for those who can’t fight for themselves.  Defend and fight for others, don’t pick on and make fun of them.  That would make you a bully.  Only bullies like bullies, everyone else thinks they’re pricks.  


Fight real battles: Evil is real.  Fight it, however you can, and however fighting looks like to you.  Too many men hide behind the idea there is no right and wrong.  There is.  Too many are scared to fight real battles and so they create proxy ones: video games, or chasing women for instance.  Use your God given skills.  Could be, “you know like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills…”  My skills are sucking in my gut while stepping on a scale, eating chocolate covered cinnamon bears, and every once in a great while, I can successfully string three sentences together.  Yours might be helping your neighbor fix their broken car, smiling at others, being kind, opening doors for women, mowing a single mom’s lawn, complimenting people, or helping an underprivileged child learn how to read.  The point is to live outside of yourself.  Look for ways to be of service to others.  I saw a quote the other day that said, “If service is beneath you, leadership is beyond you.”  Think about it.  Be the good man you are capable of being.  


Shake hands like a man:  If you and I are shaking hands and you give me a limp-handed handshake, you are acknowledging to me, non-verbally, that I’m in charge.  Man up.

Stop pushing your fears onto others – don’t inhibit someone else’s freedom: For example, if guns aren’t your thing, don’t own one.  Don’t try to enact laws to take them away.  “But Danny,” you whine, “there is no reason anyone should own an AR-15.”  There is no reason anyone should be a whiny little bitch either, yet here you are (I don’t even own a gun like that, all my guns are girlie).  If being able to defend yourself and your family isn’t high on your priority list, you would rather sleep secure in the knowledge the police are just a phone call away, I respect that.  Stop trying to take away guns, or inhibit others from purchasing one.  Stop being a baby.   


Stop watching porn:  I remember when I was a teenager, George Michael came out with the song “I want your sex.”  It was scandalous.  Several months ago I was at a convenience store, getting my first dose of daily caffeine, when I realized I could hear moaning.  I looked around and discovered the guy in front of me was watching porn on his phone.  IN THE STORE.  My how times have changed.  I regret soooooo much not saying something.  I should have.  Pamela Anderson, who has been featured in Playboy 15 times, recently came out against porn.  She said it’s for losers.  She wrote, with co-writer Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, “We’re not here to moralize or judge people on porn viewing, we’re rather saying that when porn becomes a replacement for real, live, sexual interactions between loving adults, we’re all in trouble. When the impersonal nature of porn supplants the passion and intimacy of real lovemaking, then we’ve lost the ability to connect. And the growing addiction to porn is creating a level of sexual desensitization that requires a national conversation. Porn is teaching men to view women as caricatures who are all cover and no book, all form and no substance. Both men and women deserve better.”  In other words, it changes how you treat women, it changes what you want from women. It warps your ideas of what sex is and should be. Go find a real woman. Treat her with respect. Stop with the porn.  It’s turning men into sadistic pricks who treat women like objects.  Like Pamela said, it’s for losers.  

Save:  It’s not about how much money you make, it’s about how much you save.  I am painfully aware that the first half of my life I effed this up.  This second half is going to be completely different. I’m not going to stop until my bank account looks like a phone number.  Right now I’m a fiftybucknaire, but it’s a start.  Life craps on everyone.  If you have a little cash stashed away, just in case, it will make life SOOOOO much easier.  When you do spend money, spend it on experiences and other people, stop buying crap you don’t need.  It’s stupid to spend money you don’t have, for stuff you don’t need, to impress people you don’t know, or possibly even like.  Money can be a great thing…if you use it to help others.  It is almost impossible to have charity if your cupboards are bare.  Stop wasting it on stupid crap.  Use it to enrich your life and the lives of others.


Educate yourself: Free education already exists.  Debt happens when you want a piece of paper that implies you’re smart.  Whatever you do in life, be educated on how to do it.  If you are just starting out, PUT IN THE TIME.  Do it.  To be successful you are going to put the time in anyway.  You can do it when you are in your twenties, studying, with a little kid crawling around, or you can put the time in when you are in your forties, at 3 o’clock in the morning, selling stuff on ebay,  just to make ends meet, with your wife asleep behind you.  I would suggest putting the time in while you’re young. Sacrifice whatever you have too. Educate yourself.  

Be a rock:  If the world is going to hell, things aren’t working out, make sure your significant other, kids, friends, co-workers, or whoever you are with, feel safe.  Staying calm when the crap is hitting the fan isn’t being naive, it’s being a leader.  John Wayne once said, “Bravery is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.”  Saddle up.


Stop correcting people:  If someone misspeaks, but you know what they meant, shut up. Don’t correct someone just to correct someone.  Everyone knows something you don’t, even the dull and ignorant. Everyone has something they can teach you. Go into every conversation with a touch of humility.  You are not always a professor and class isn’t always in session.

Look on the Bright side:  I’m sure you have heard the saying, “Life isn’t fair.”  Guess what I tell my kids?  That’s a lie.  Life IS fair.  Good people get crapped on all the time.  Sometimes life sucks.  It’s harsh. It isn’t easy for anyone.  You have two choices, you can whine and pout about it or CHOOSE to look at the bright side.  You can appreciate wherever you are and the opportunities you have.


Get a job:  Any well, able-bodied man who would willfully transfer the support of his family onto someone else is a piece of shit, whether the transfer is to family or government.  Everyone falls on hard times.  If you need help in the short term, that’s okay.  Family or government can be used as a safety net. But if you use either as a hammock, mooching off society or your family, you’re a piece of shit. Get a job, whatever it is, and then work your ass off. Be better than your wage, tough it out. Climb the ladder of success.  Too many men think they are above doing certain jobs.  You’re not.  Remember this life is on you.  If you’re happy or successful it’s up to you.  Stop blaming whatever outside forces are conspiring against you to make you miserable…’cause they just ain’t there.  Take control of your choices, control your thoughts and your life…or shut up.  

There is nothing wrong with being old fashioned:  There’s nothing wrong with saying “sir and ma’am.” Stop hiding behind technology.  If you are going on a date NEVER text that you are there.  Be a man and get out of your car, walk up to the door and get her.  HOLD THE DOOR OPEN FOR HER. This is true whether you are newly dating, or you’ve been married for fifty years.  Treat all women, children and the aged with respect.  

I could keep going, but I’m going to stop here.  I want you to know if anything I wrote today offends you, from the deepest recesses of my soul, I don’t give a shit.  Our society is becoming emasculated. Our men are weak, soft and vain.  Get your panties out of a wad and man up. Don’t be afraid to speak up.  There is nothing wrong with being a little critical or a little judgmental. A friend once told me, “As men we need to feel free to cast a ‘What the hell were you thinking?’ from time to time.”  I’m tired of watching our society being destroyed by guys who don’t know how to be men.  Figure it out.  

Watch some John Wayne movies if you have too.  


Lifezilla:  Waaaaaay better results than just mistletoe alone.  Trust me.



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The Worst Generation

The Worst Generation

I’m the father of four boys.  Two are in their early twenties and the other two are teenagers.  Because of this, and because of their friends, I have seen my fair share of boys turn into men.  The other day I came home from work to discover one of my kid’s friends (a hairy, transformed child in his early 20s) was visiting.  We talked, we ate, and we laughed.  It was a nice visit.  At one point in the conversation we were talking about the current generation and I said, “Oh yeah, this is definitely the worst generation.” I then added, “Of course, it’s our fault. We are the ones who gave trophies to everyone.”  The young man (we’ll call him Jared*) said, “I hear what you’re saying, but what specifically does this generation do that makes it the worst?”  I could tell he wanted to debate me.  Now there are two things you should know before I continue this story: A) This kid is SMART.  I guarantee he has forgotten more than I have ever learned.  Whenever he visits I try to bigger my words when I’m vocabularying with him so I can trickify him into thinking I’m smart two (the fact, in this day and age, people don’t know the difference between “to” and “too” is amazing two me).  B)  I’m an idiot.  I have opinions, I have thoughts about things-n-stuff, but when I’m asked point blank, I freeze.  So…I froze. I am not a debater.  So I explained my level of dumbassery to him, how in person I require a five minute window for every point I want to make, told him I would think about it and probably write an article about it.

So here I am.

Now, I don’t want to beat a dead horse (although it does make a fascinating “thud” noise).  I know complaining about the next generation is as old as time itself.  I saw the play “Bye Bye Birdy” when I was a kid.  The lyrics, “Why can’t they be like we were, perfect in every way? What’s the matter with kids today?” are ringing in my ears right now even as I type this.

I get it.  And, I have had a change of heart.  Sort of.  There are still some things that are…hmmm…unique about this generation,  generally speaking. (For my liberal friends the phrase “generally speaking” is a fancy way of saying I may not be speaking specifically about YOUR child.  So if I say something and you think, “GASP!!!  MY child doesn’t do that!!!” then rest assured, I’m not speaking about your child.)

Here is my list:

Most easily offended:  HOLY CRAP!!!  Can everyone PLEASE take an effing chill pill?  Seriously.  People are going to disagree with you sometimes.  They may say something that doesn’t mesh with your belief system.  Put on your big boy panties (or big girl panties) and GROW THE EFF UP!!!  STOP LOOKING FOR THINGS TO GET OFFENDED ABOUT.  Clint Eastwood was recently interviewed and he said, “Secretly, everybody’s getting tired of political correctness, kissing up. That’s the kiss-ass generation we’re in right now. We’re really in a pussy generation. Everybody’s walking on eggshells.”  Eggshells is right. Political correctness has run so far amok everyone is afraid of offending anyone, so no one says anything.  It’s ridiculous.  Fortunately there is a tiny glimmer of hope on the horizon.  This year, the university of Chicago in a letter to their incoming Freshmen wrote, “”Our commitment to academic freedom means that we do not support so-called ‘trigger warnings,’ we do not cancel invited speakers because their topics might prove controversial, and we do not condone the creation of intellectual ‘safe spaces’ where individuals can retreat from ideas and perspectives at odds with their own.”  Holy crap, thank you!!  It’s about time.  Like I said, it’s a tiny glimmer of hope, but it’s something.


Too accepting: This may sound like a weird thing, because being accepting of others sounds like a virtue…But we have taken it too far.  The “bathroom” debate a few months ago was the stupidest thing ever.  If you sincerely believe you were born as the wrong gender, and are willing to legally go through the steps to have your gender changed, then you get a pass.  Otherwise, if you were born with an outie, you go to the men’s room, if you were born with an innie, you go to the women’s room.  If you self-identify differently and aren’t ready to make the change legally, you suck it up until you can.  That’s it. Both sets of restrooms have stalls.  There are over 747,000 registered sex offenders in the US. It’s not fair to make a parent have to guess what the intentions are of the guy who followed their daughter into the restroom.

The following YouTube video shows a man progressively questioning college students about acceptance. Eventually he asks if they would accept his self-identifying as a 6’5” Chinese woman.  Seriously.  In my little brain I think it’s better to have common sense without an education than to have an education without common sense.   That might be easy for me to say, as I ain’t no educated man.  See what I mean?  I just used a double negative!!! (Come on Danny, stop being stupid.)

If more Americans were willing to say, “Yeah, that’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard,” this country would be better off, but we don’t.  Why don’t we?  Because we awe afwaid to huwt othews wittwe feewings.

Ohmigosh, I have so much more to write, but I try not to make these articles too long. So just to list the things I was going to write about: sense of entitlement, living in vans, selfies, whiny, safe spaces, coddled, participation trophies (It’s 2016 people!  How did everyone at the Olympics not get a metal?) micro aggressions – cyber bullying, bullying, trolling, catfishing, college degrees / debt, living in parents’ basement, lack of education of founding principles, not being held accountable any more, holding off on marriage or growing up.

BUT…all that being said, I see hope.  I really do.  I’m reminded of the finishing lines of one of my favorite poems  “And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.   Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.  With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.  Be careful.  Strive to be happy.”

Like I  said…hope.


*That’s his real name

Lifezilla:  You are truly a wonderful, Wonderful, WONDERFUL person for reading this article.  And you know it’s true.  I wouldn’t say that to just ANYONE.





God and Evolution

God and Evolution

Okay, when I first started my little blog I solicited help from another blogger.  She gave me some advice and invited me to contribute on two of her sites.  It was fun to do.  If you want to visit one of my hero’s sites you can go here for her brilliant political commentary or here  for her more personal stuff.  Either way I think you’ll enjoy it.  She is truly an incredibly gifted writer.

Anyways.  She gave me some advice on how to be an effective blogger.  Two of the things she said were: 1. Try not to write more than 800 words.  Most people won’t read it if it is too long. And 2.  Always use references.

With this article I’m afraid both pieces of advice are going to be largely ignored. I’m looking at my notes and there is NO WAY to boil this down the 800 words, and although I might put in a few references, most of this stuff is just my own, personal dumbassery I’ll be spewing.

So…you’ve been warned.

A few things happened to inspire this article.  First, I was watching “Friends” on Netflix with my girlfriend.  Later, I was talking to a colleague of mine who told me about a friend of his who claimed to be able to PROVE there was no God.  (I know…I just rolled my eyes so hard I almost fell out of my chair.)

I’ll start with “Friends.”

Ross was talking to Phoebe, she had said she didn’t “buy into” the theory of evolution because it was “too easy.”  Ross looked at her like she had just cut off his tail and said, “Uh, excuse me. Evolution is not for you to buy, Phoebe. Evolution is scientific fact, like, like, like the air we breathe, like gravity.”  He then went on to say, “I have studied evolution my entire adult life. Okay, I can tell you, we have collected fossils from all over the world that actually show the evolution of different species, okay? You can literally see them evolving through time.”

“Friends” is a funny show.  I sincerely enjoy watching it.  The problem I have with that entire exchange is nothing Ross said was true.

Now stop.  Take a breath.  Before you get your panties in a wad you need to understand where I’m coming from.  First of all, I believe in God.  I believe He is our creator.  AND (maybe I should say “but”) I have ZERO background in biology.  ZERO.  So whatever I’m about to spew is going to be tainted by a healthy dose of good old fashioned ignorance.  That’s not going to stop me from spewing it, however.

Most Christians believe in a creative concept call “Ex Nihilo,” or “out of nothing.”  In a nut shell that means that for a long time there was nothing and then God decided there should be something and BOOM, the universe popped into existence.  I don’t buy that.  If that was the case then why would Heavenly Father form the earth in stages?  Dividing the waters, creating plant life, the sea creatures and then lower life forms, etc.

“But Danny,” you whine, “it sounds like you’re okay with the theory of evolution.  What is the point of your article?”

My point is: I don’t know how God did it.  And I don’t care.

The biggest issue I have is there is a line drawn: you either believe in God or you believe in evolution.

I know I can’t “prove” God exists.  Just like I know no one can “prove” He doesn’t.  So what I wanted to do today is write down some of the things I see as evidence of the existence of God. If you’re an atheist you will probably look at this list in horror, or you’ll scoff at it.  Either way, I don’t care.  If nothing else, it’s for me.

Can't prove

The issues I have with Darwinism:

Many Darwin groupies use Darwin to show that humans are no better than a squirrel, and are, in fact, the worst thing to happen to the planet.

I really struggle with the idea that EVERY living thing started from a single-celled organism.  That the, I dunno, millions of species that have been in the world all started from primordial goo.  Darwin’s theory is that random mutation, sex and death, allowed the “fittest” to survive.  The weak would die without reproducing.  Okay.  I’ve seen the picture where there is a monkey and it slowly turns into a man.  The “mutations” don’t appear to be random; if anything they are deliberate.  If we were the only species on earth I would totally believe it.  But we are not.  If the mutations that created all these species are completely random wouldn’t there be a bunch of mutations that didn’t work out?  Where is the fossil of the “man” with his eyes in the palms of his hands, or the man with wings?  How about a squirrel evolving into a bat, or a bear becoming a whale (Darwin actually made those claims.)


The truth is we don’t have fossils for any intermediate creatures, despite the claim from Ross on the TV show “Friends.”  In fact Stephen Jay Gould of Harvard referred to the absence of transitional fossils as the “trade secret” of paleontology.

For 3 billion or so years the fossil record shows nothing but bacteria and worms and then BOOM, within a 5 to 10 million year period (the Cambrian Period) the fossil record shows all these new species appearing out of nowhere, with eyes, fully formed.  Paleontologist Jan Bergstrom, said the Cambrian Period was not “evolution,” it was “a revolution.”  Hmmmm…

Moving on…

This is an example I gave my Sunday school class once.  I told them about my boss’s BMW.  It was an amazing car.  The ride was so quiet and so tight.  It was engineered to perfection.  I then told them to imagine the outdoors.  Either the woods, or a swamp, a canyon, a lake.  I asked, “Can you image the outdoors being able to produce such a thing?”  They said – no.  “How about in a thousand years?”  Still no.  “How about a million years?  The swamp is now a mountain range and the lake is now a canyon, the scenery is completely different.  Can you see mother nature creating an amazingly engineered creation like a BMW?”  Still no.   “Why?”  It’s too intricate, it’s too well-designed.  I would then show them a picture of a cross section of the eye. It is amazingly intricate, amazingly engineered.

Anatomy of the eye

That happened by chance?  Darwin couldn’t explain it.

What about pubic hair? If evolution largely caused the hair to recede off our bodies, why do we still grow it in our pubic area or armpits?  (That’s not really an “evidence” of the existence of God, but it deserves an answer.)

I would think there would be some “rules” to evolution.  An example is with most mammals the eyes, nose, ears and mouth are on the face.  That’s sort of a rule. Why do human women have breasts?  Correct me if I’m wrong (this is one of the dumbassery things I mentioned earlier) I’m not going to Google it, but every other mammal I know of, the females only have breasts after they give birth to feed their offspring.  Evolutionarily speaking, why are human women different?  OH…and while I’m thinking about it.  What is the evolutionary explanation for the female clitoris?  Mother Nature already gave men a high sex drive.  Evolutionarily speaking, why would the female of any species need to enjoy sex?

What about the placement of the earth?  If we were a little closer to the sun we would burn up, if we were a little further away we would freeze.  How lucky is it that we are just at the exact right place so life can exist?

What about plant life?  Everyone just blindly accepts the fact that all living things (humans to spiders to fish) all have a common single ancestor.  What about plant life?  You’re telling me a strawberry and a banana (which taste delicious together, by the way) evolved from each other?  How about a zucchini and an orange?  And how lucky is it all these things have seeds.  How did that happen, anyways?  (That reminds me, I’m going to order both a chicken and an egg from Amazon…I’ll let you know.)  If I learned anything from watching Jerry Seinfeld’s “The Bee Movie” it’s that plants are dependent on Bees.  So Bees would have had to come into existence about the same time as plants…right?  Why haven’t they evolved more?  And while I’m thinking about it, which species are we worried about? Who is catching up to us?  By now you would think one of them would.  How lucky.


Think about it.  Are we not the dumbest animal to be at the top of the food chain?  Okay, we’re smart, we have big brains, but we would have had to survive a bunch of winters first to get on the right track.  Name another animal who has to kill another one, tear the skin off of it, and put it on their feet so they can walk around in comfort, or wear it on its body for warmth or protection.  How did we survive to get to be the smartest?  I get a hangnail and I’m down for the count.  How lucky as a species we survived.

And how incredibly lucky is it that the HUGE variety of animal life on the planet breathe in oxygen and breathe out carbon dioxide, and the HUGE variety of plants breathe in carbon dioxide and breathe out oxygen.  I mean, WHAT ARE CHANCES?!?!  How lucky.

Mathematically speaking it isn’t possible.  If we humans were the only animal life and, say, a potato was the only plant life, it could work.  Scientists know this. The real kind, not high school biology teachers, and not the Professor Ross Geller’s from TV.  The very real molecular biologist Professor Francis Crick, you know, the Nobel Prize winner for co-discovering the structure of DNA (he ain’t stoopid like me is) very seriously suggested the theory of “Direct Panspermia” where aliens seeded earth with life.  He co-wrote a scientific paper on the subject with biochemist Leslie Orgel.  You can read it HERE.

I’m a simple man.  Not very bright.  Here’s how I boil it down: Let’s say there are gazillions and gazillions of planets, and of the gazillions of planets there is a one in a gazillion chance there is a planet just close enough to a sun that it is ideal for sustaining life.  Of those gazillion planets, let’s say there is a one in a gazillion chance there is water on a planet like that.  Of those gazillion planets, let’s say there is a one in a gazillion chance there is one with a single celled organism.  Of those gazillion planets, let’s say there is a one in a gazillion chance that man evolved on one of them.  Of those gazillion planets, let’s say there is a one in a gazillion chance the potato plant evolved on one.  Of those gazillion planets, let’s say there is a one in a gazillion chance the cow, the horse, the bear and countless other animals evolved on them, along with a bunch of plants.  It is mind blowing, huh?  For me, and my little brain, it is easier to believe there is a one in a gazillion chance there is a Supreme Being, who loves us and created and organized all this for us.  And wants us to be happy.

But that’s just me.


LIFEZILLA:  No trees were destroyed in the writing of this article.  I will concede, however, that a significant number of electrons may have been inconvenienced.





George Washington – A Terrorist?!?!?!

George Washington – A Terrorist?!?!?!

So the other day I was working in my office, minding my own business, when I received a text from my 16 year old son. It said, “So apparently George Washington was a terrorist…Screw world civ!” He later said his teacher believed Washington was amazing but, “If you look at the definition of terrorism, the American Revolutionary war would fall into that definition.”

I’m telling you. It is crap like that which makes me wish I was born with just middle fingers.

I text him a short list of the reasons why the American Revolution is nothing like terrorism.   Later that night he said he was the only one in his class who defended Washington, and he believed, was the only one who had a brain in his head. He said he could tell the other students were sucking it up.


For fun I went to the source of all knowledge, Google, and typed “Define: Terrorist.” Google defines it as, “a person who uses terrorism in the pursuit of political aims.” That obviously didn’t clear anything up so I asked for the definition of terrorism, which read, “the use of violence and intimidation in the pursuit of political aims.” I’m not sure how anyone with half a brain stem could lump George Washington, or any of the founding fathers into that category.

But then again, I’m not a liberal.

If I try to look at the history of the Revolutionary War through the paradigm of a whiny liberal – the word “paradigm” here is a fancy way of saying “the warped lens in which you view the world,” – (also, for my liberal friends, in the word paradigm, the “g” is silent) the ONLY incident that could vaguely have a terroristic line drawn in comparison is the Boston Tea party. But even that is a HUGE stretch.

If you’re like most American’s, everything you know about the Boston Tea party you probably learned, as a child, from watching “Mary Poppins.” Here is a recap:

Mr. Dawes Jr: In 1773, an official of this bank unwisely loaned a large sum of money to finance a shipment of tea to the American colonies. Do you know what happened?

George W. Banks: Yes, sir. Yes, I think I do. As the ship lay anchored in Boston Harbor, a party of the colonists dressed as red Indians boarded the vessel, behaved very rudely, and threw all the tea overboard. This made the tea unsuitable for drinking. Even for Americans.

“Behaved very rudely” and talking a seventeen year old to strap a bomb to himself and detonating it in a crowded market place are two entirely different things.

Most of the Founding Fathers condemned the Boston Tea party. George Washington disapproved. Benjamin Franklin demanded the “India Tea Company” be reimbursed for the destruction of the tea. Both American and British supporters of American independence, such as Edmund Burke, thought the Tea Party set back the cause.

Meric on three

Even the Founders who defended the raid had class. Paul Revere, who led the raid, exclusively to protest a new British tea tax, made sure to replace a broken lock on one of the ships. The British sailors from the ships confirmed, none of them were hurt, nothing was vandalized, and the protesters even swept the decks clean after the tea was destroyed.

Still, the raid was considered such an embarrassment to many of our founding fathers, it wasn’t celebrated for another 50 years.

Like I said…It’s a stretch.

“But Danny,” you whine, “what about George Washington?”

Washington was a hero and a patriot. The only negative title you could put on him that might stick is he was a traitor to the crown of England. As a young man he fought with distinction and honor in the Battle of Monongahela where he was so exposed to enemy fire his coat was pierced by four musket balls and he had two horses shot from underneath him. It’s hard to imagine the same person hiding behind a tree, detonating a bomb and then fleeing the crime scene.

One of the examples my son gave me of the “evidence” regarding Washington’s terrorism is when he crossed the Delaware  and surprised, and defeated the Hessian forces. So I guess if an army attacks another army it terrorism?


The Declaration of the Cause and Necessity of Taking Up Arms states, “We, for ten years, incessantly and ineffectually besieged the Throne as supplicants; we reasoned, we remonstrated with Parliament, in the most mild and decent language.” For ten years. TEN. Then when the Founders did the truly revolutionary thing, three years after the Boston Tea Party, they signed the Declaration of Independence. In this document they describe with logic and reason, and in blindingly clear terms, their complaints against the Crown, the rights that had been infringed upon, their earlier attempts for resolution and an appeal to the Supreme Judge of the world for independence.

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.—That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed,—That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government…”

Those are Jefferson’s words, but Washington embraced them whole-heartedly. Are they the words or beliefs of a terrorist?



LIFEZILLA: Where else can I go to spew my nonsensical diatribe and dumbassery?  My wife and kids stopped listening to me YEARS ago!

isisRights Reagan Quote - Find Young People





Justice Dept: Mirandize ’em all and let God sort it out

Several brilliantly written articles ago I had a friend who shared a link to my site on her Facebook page. Because I was tagged I was able to view the conversations back and forth between her and one of her friends.  In the conversation my friend’s friend referred to me, your humble narrator, as a woman not once, but twice.  Me?  As a woman?   When my friend corrected her as to my gender she said something to the effect of, “Well, his writing and his site are very feminine.”  Gasp.  GASP!!!  Feminine?  Moi?   I was so offended I was tempted to climb on my Vespa, drive to her residence and smack her with my whimsical floral print tote.  But I decided to take the high road and forgive her (despite my best “sherlocking” I was unable to find out where she lived).

So, in an attempt to MAN this article up a little bit, I will try farting several times while typing it.  Please don’t be offended.

Several days ago I was driving to work and did something I haven’t done in months.  I listened to Glenn Beck.  It was obvious, as I listened, that Glenn was upset because 19-year-old suspected Boston Bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev hadn’t been read his Miranda warning yet.

Since the time of my listening, the Obama administration has made the decision NOT to try this guy as a military combatant.  Tsarnaey has been read his rights and has stopped talking.  The administration sent Press Secretary and apologist Jay Carney out with this statement:

“He will not be treated as an enemy combatant. We will prosecute this terrorist through our civilian system of justice… So this is absolutely the right way to go and the appropriate way to go. And when it comes to United States citizens, it is against the law to try them in military commissions.”

So it appears both Glenn Beck and the Obama administration are in agreement.

I’m not sure I agree.


I can see Beck’s point of view.  I agree with putting restraints on the Government.  That is the point of the Bill of Rights.  And I’m not calling Carney a liar (this time), but he is completely wrong.

Let me explain.  Six months after the bombing of Pearl Harbor (1942) the Supreme Court upheld the use of military tribunals for eight German spies captured on US soil, two of whom were United States citizens.  In this case Ex parte Quirin the court found that where suspected enemies have entered (or after entry) engaged in acts of belligerency against the United States, military tribunals were appropriate.  The Supreme Court unanimously decided Quirin in less than twenty-four hours.  Three days after the Court’s decision a military tribunal found the saboteurs guilty.  Five days after that, six of the eight were executed including Herbert Hans Haupt, a US citizen.  Only the two who ratted out the plot to the FBI were given prison sentences.

Because I’m the stupidest person I know, I hate to be the one who has to point out the blatantly obvious (especially when just the obvious will do).  We are at war.  We have been at war since thousands of Americans were attacked and killed, without warning, on September 11, 2001. In case some of you were unaware of this fact President George Bush told us (in one of his best speeches ever) we were at war in a joint session of Congress shortly  after 9/11.  “On September the 11th, enemies of freedom committed an act of war against our country.”

In other words, you cute little buggers, the President does have the authority to have those suspected of belligerence against the United States tried in military tribunals, even if they are citizens of the United States.  Because we live in a land of checks and balances, if Congress has an issue with this, the Constitution gives it two choices.  It can cut off funding, or impeach the President.  It is not against the law as Carney and Beck suggest.

Quick side note: Is it just me or has everyone noticed there has been a huge absence of polls regarding the use of military tribunals?  What’s up with that?  As Americans, we are inundated with polls on every imaginable topic, but on this, silence.  As a rule of thumb whenever polls are NOT being taken on a particular subject your walls of defense should go up.  Somewhere there is a big, fat, commie rat.



Do I think this 19 year old is the mastermind behind the Boston Bombings?  NO.  Do I think we could have gotten more information from the guy had the Justice Department not stopped the investigation?  Yes.  Will we be able to get intelligence of other radicalized Muslims from this guy, now?  I doubt it.  Do I think he should be put to death for his role in the bombings?  Absolutely. In the current judicial system it could take YEARS before this guy is brought to justice.  I guarantee in the coming months we are going to have to hear about this young man’s feelings being hurt because a teacher or fellow student couldn’t pronounce his name, or some bull crap like that.  Reporter Bob Woodward has already said the Boston bombings were “not that big of an event,” as if we need to have 5000 die to set the new watermark.  We are already having to endure crap like this headline: “Budget Cuts Could Delay ‘Boston Bomber’ Trial”   Makes me crazy!!!  It is stupid, stupid, stupid.

I’m not sure if the President is afraid of trying this guy with the military, or is this just one more example of the pussification of America.  Our enemies already view us as a paper tiger.  Putting this scared little, baby faced, 19-year-old (guilty as sin) boy to death swiftly will show the world we take care of our own, and more than likely deter future acts of terrorism.  Let’s pull up our big boy pants and make some hard decisions.


LIFEZILLA: A doughnut a day keeps the ads away.

Ban Bombs

First Responders



My Team of Writers

My Team of Writers

From this point forward I will refer to the voices in my head as “my team of writers”.  I have two issues my team of writers have been kicking around, but I’m not really sure how to make them mesh into one article.  They have been driving me crazy.  Maybe I’ll make it two articles.  I dunno, we’ll see.

Both issues have to do with education.


We are (what?) seven weeks into the New Year.  And I can list three similar stories that bother me.  The first was when a six year old kid was suspended from school for making a gun with his hand and saying “Pow”.  The second, was when a five year old girl was suspended for 10 days for making a “terroristic threat” for talking to a friend about shooting her with a “Hello Kitty Bubble Gun”.  Yes, you read that correctly.  A gun, in the shape of Hello Kitty, that shoots BUBBLES (Lawrence Welk would have been thrown in prison for life.)  And most recently, last week a seven year old was suspended from school for throwing an imaginary grenade into an imaginary box filled with “something evil” to save the world.

An imaginary grenade into an imaginary box…So he threw nothing into nothing…?  (hmm)

I can completely understand these young heroes desire to fight.  My favorite part about imaginary fighting is the fact you get to thwart evil.  You never get to thwart anything in real life.  I like to thwart.  My advice to these young patriots is to always have a backup finger gun strapped to your ankle in case your two primaries get confiscated again.

Is it just me, or does it sound like the administrators need to grow up?

Last week Dr. Benjamin Carson was at a prayer breakfast with President Obama and said he thought PC (Political Correctness) was dangerous (click here for the awesome speech).  I agree.

The second issue that has been bothering me is about an article I read. Apparently, in Texas there is a web-based system used in 70 percent of the schools state wide to assist teachers with lesson plans.  The system is “built by teachers, designed by teachers.”  Many are concerned that it is difficult for non-teachers to get a look at the program.


One of the lessons for sixth graders “showed different countries’ flags and instructed students to “notice that socialist and communist countries use symbolism on their flags.” It went on to ask students what symbols they would use if they were to create a flag for a new socialist country.”

Many of the other lessons “promoted pro-Islam ideals, or described participants of the Boston Tea Party as terrorists.”

Pardon me Miss?  I believe I ordered my brain-washing on the side.

The whole “designing a flag” thing BUUUUUUUUUUGED me.  But because I had recently had a conversation with a young man about the “Boston Tea Party as terrorist” the article kind of set me off.

For the record.  The Boston Tea party story has always rubbed me the wrong way.  It is part of history.  It happened.  I get that.  But terrorist?  Come on.

Quick review: The Boston Tea party was in response to the Tea Act of 1773.  The Colonists objected to the Tea Act because it violated their rights as Englishmen.  They, rightly, believed they should be taxed only by their own elected representatives and not by a British parliament in which they were not represented. “No taxation without representation.”

I remember being taught the Tea Party was the catalyst that started the Revolutionary War.  Hmmm…not really. In fact it probably set the whole thing back.  It really dispirited both American and British supporters, like Edmund Burke.

George Washington disapproved of the destruction of the tea, and Benjamin Franklin demanded the India Tea Company be reimbursed (they were).  Samuel Adams defended the raid by saying that all other methods of recourse, you know like…voting — were unavailable.

Many of the founding fathers considered the raid an embarrassment.  The Boston Tea Party was not celebrated for another 50 years.

Not one person was killed.  Paul Revere made sure to replace a lock that was broken during the raid and severely punished a man who stole some of the tea for his personal use (HEY…just like the terrorist of today who paid for the rebuilding of the…er…oh…forget it).

But kids today are taught that this great country was made from the act of terror.  Come on.  It took three years before our founding fathers engaged in their truly revolutionary act: The signing of the Declaration of Independence (for perspective the iPad was originally introduced three years ago in April).

In that document, they set forth, in clear terms, their complaints with British rule, their earlier attempts at resolution, and an appeal to the Supreme Judge of the world for independence from the crown.  I remember a few years ago reading the Declaration of Independence to a group of Boy Scouts.  It was almost a spiritual experience.

Are these things being taught in your school?  I dunno if they are in mine. But at least we can sleep well knowing we are safe from six year olds with imaginary guns.

LIFEZILLA:  This Valentine’s day tell your lover the three little words she (or he)  has been dying to hear: “I love Lifezilla”.